How to Prove You're an Excellent Parent in Court

Posted 9 Jul '21

How to Prove You're an Excellent Parent in Court - the Do's and Don'ts

Tips for what to do and mistakes to avoid if your parenting dispute is going to Court

When parents can't resolve their dispute there's sometimes no option left but to have the matter head to Court so that a Judge can decide what needs to happen. This is daunting for a lot of parents, and a lot of clients ask us if there is anything specific they should be doing, or anything they really need to avoid. We've put together a list below of the top things to do and the top mistakes to avoid so that you can prove you're an excellent parent in Court. 

What to do if your parenting matter is going to Court: 

Always speak positively of the other parent 

If you can't be positive then at least follow the old adage "if you can't find anything nice to say then don't say anything at all". When one parent is negative about the other, kids pick up on it. The primary consideration for the Court is your children having a meaningful relationship with both parents. If one parent is incapable of actively supporting that relationship the Court will not be impressed. 

Get help if you need it

Going through the break down of a relationship is always tough, and there is no shame in getting help if you need it. In fact, if your matter proceeds to Court then a Judge wants to see a parent being proactive and getting help for themselves so they can be the best parent for their children.

Get help for your children too

Just like the adults, parental separation for children can be difficult and confusing. Kids don't have the same emotional capacity as adults to be able to deal with the complex nuances of the separation. There are great resources, groups and counsellors for kids who are struggling with coming to terms with the separation. Make sure you're being proactive in getting help for your kids when they need. 

Be flexible and willing to work with your child’s other parent

Parenting between two households can tricky. Not just emotionally, but also practically. Even when it’s tough, it’s best for children when their parents can work together to meet their needs. Sometimes this means being flexible with time arrangements, or having to drop forgotten belongings back and forth. Whatever it is, if you are able to work together your children will thank you for it, and you can show the Court that you're putting them first. 

Keep communication open

Similar to the above, separation always works better for the children when parents can keep the lines of communication open. Not only do parents need to be able to discuss big issues, such as what school a child will attend, but also day to day needs, like if a child accidentally leaves a school project at the other parent’s home. Courts want to see a parent who can put their own feelings aside and communicate in their children's best interests.

Treat the other parent with respect

Treating the other parent with respect can manifest in a lot of ways. The obvious one is how you speak to the other parent or communicate through text. Text messages are almost always submitted to the Court and if party's are being abusive or disrespectful it reflects poorly on them and their ability to put their feelings to the side for their kids. 

Aside from the obvious, one of the other basic ones we see people forget is to be on time! Changeovers between parents become a regular part of life, so don’t leave the other person waiting around for you. If you are going to be late for a reason out of your control, let them know. This sounds very basic but it’s often forgotten and if it happens to many times it’s one sure fire way to annoy the other parent.

What not to do if your parenting matter is going to Court 

Do not denigrate the other parent, either to the children or to the other parent themselves

No matter how frustrated you may be, always keep your cool. Don’t get into text arguments, and don’t fight with the other parent (especially in front of the children). This should go without saying, but when emotions are running high it is often forgotten, and remember this behaviour will almost always come before a Judge.

Do not post about the other parent on social media

Similar to the above, posting about the other parent on social media just  isn’t conducive to a positive co-parenting relationship. The Courts want to see parents who are at least trying to get along for the sake of the kids, and when you’re slandering the other parent on social media you’re not doing yourself any favours.

Do not put your children in the middle

The importance of this one cannot be understated. Children love and are loyal to both of their parents. Putting them in the middle or trying to make them choose between their parents is an incredible emotional burden for them to shoulder. Sometimes a parent feels like they are ‘winning’ because the child ‘chose’ them, but this is usually an obvious sign that the child has been forced to choose by the parent who is involving them in the dispute.  

Do not talk to your children about the parenting arrangements or Court under any circumstances

This is another very important tip. The Courts firmly believe that kids need to be kids, and it’s not fair for them to be worrying about adult issues. The Court absolutely does not want to see that a parent has been discussing Court proceedings with children. Not only do kids not have the emotional tools needed to deal with these issues, but it’s a very clear indication to the Court that the parent is trying to put the child in the middle of the conflict.  

Do not make your children change the visitation schedule – that’s your job, not theirs

This tip follows from the above not to put your children in the middle. When parents allow (or force) their kids to be the one who negotiates the parenting arrangements, they're making them choose which parent they want to spend time with. This can cause a lot of guilt for the kids and is a very easy one to avoid. 

Advice for Parents

Sometimes no matter how hard you try to resolve your dispute with the other parent, you come up against a brick wall. If your matter is in Court or looking like it is heading that way, then you need a family lawyer to guide you through the process and achieve the best result possible for you and your kids. The team at JR Burns Law are committed to delivering exceptional results to our clients and their families. Contact us today for a no obligation chat with our Principal Solicitor. 

Please note the content of this post is information only and not legal advice.  If you require legal advice it is best to contact one of our lawyers who can review your particular circumstances and then provide tailored advice according to your needs.